do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
