we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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