i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
