Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
