Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
