Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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