I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
