i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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