if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
