How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
