hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
