i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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