So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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