Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
