Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
