Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
