I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
