I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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