It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
