We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
