I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
