I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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