Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
