I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I will be naked everywhere
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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