OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
