Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
