I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
