Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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