i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
