I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize