Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
