dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
