Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
