drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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