is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He did a backflip because drugs
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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