Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
