guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize