oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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