It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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