We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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