Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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