he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
