Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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