remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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