guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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