this beer tastes like vomit already
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
