Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
