whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
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