what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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