Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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