I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
