ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
