i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
