I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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