She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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