I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
