She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We need to get me chipped asap
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
