Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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