Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
