oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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