piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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