I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
