You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
