If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
