peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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