maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
