Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
