Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
