he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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