hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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